Wednesday, October 10, 2007

In search of Gult origins - Step Point Five

Turnaround and forward march.. HALT! We left some gaping holes in our story, enough to swallow some elephants. So we come to this edition of "In search of Gult origins - Step Point Five".

As you already know Jabalpur taught me to walk and later I started ranting. My parents were thrilled on those two occasions. But what is frustrating is that for the next 12-13 years all they asked me to do is shut-up and sit-down. Even the teachers. When a teacher calls you by your entire name, it means trouble. I have had first hand experience of this and not just once.

Well Gultness ain't just about speaking Gulti, is it? I need to explore more of those thin strands that kept me connected to the Great Gult Land (GGL). It involves many more things. Eating the bitter Ugadi pachchadi (bitter is the taste that is left behind in your mouth - always!) comes foremost to my mind. While on one hand people around me reveled with ladoos, jalebis, halwa, we the gult folks always had to start our new year, you know, with this bitter concoction. Who in the right of his mind (or even the left) would want to start a new year this way? It escapes me! The story doesn't end here. Now this concoction, you would know if you have read the recipe, is made up of flowers of neem (margosa) among other things. The esteemed Gult year starts somewhere in the season of spring. While the time of the year is just right to harvest these neem flowers in GGL, up in the chilly north, it was a tad too early for the flowers to see the sunshine. So what did the zealots in the adults group do ? - made us kids eat that pachchadi with neem leaves instead of the blossoms! eewww!

My dad is a good man. He always gives us more than we ask for. My dad wanted me to have all the educational opportunities he never had, so he sent me to a girls school. Take your time to laugh on! Though usually a girl's school, the branch in our town was a co-ed. So happy now? He always wanted us kids to have everything that he couldn't have. And these few lines are in his honor.

I come from a conservative family - who believe in God and his forgiveness and they taught their children well. And, as a good boy, I learnt it all. When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me. Well, yes, I exaggerate a bit - but you get the feel!

Every summer or every other summer would be our 2-day long journey to Vijaywada/Hyderabad. Taking a rickety bus from this small sleepy town to Delhi, I would ensure that my motion sickness would paint the bus with liberal doses. Delhi always mesmerized me. Kahte hain Dilli wale bade dil wale hote hain. Connaught Place, Dhaulakuan, Palam, ISBT are few of the places which I still remember with vivid clarity. So what would most of our meals contain during that journey? - yeah you guessed it right! Pulihora (puliogre or tamarind rice as many of you might be familiar with) and curd rice. This is not true of us alone - all our gult co-passengers would open up their boxes to the same cuisine. While the non-gults ( a.k.a northies - mostly marwaris ) would brazenly open up their poories, sabzi, mathari, ladoo, samosas and what not. You would find hard to believe that they would get down the train with only half of their initial luggage - having devoured the other half!

Now the Gults do have a way of getting heard.. When you suddenly hear the words.. “Don’t taak to me like this. I yam egg-nest yuver girral seeing my boy. I will set yuver house on firre if she comes here again.” – you know who would say it. If you are having comprehension problems, here is the easy version: “Don’t talk to me like this. I am against your girl seeing my boy. I will your house on fire if she comes here again.” Wouldn’t you turn your heads if you heard that?

Festivals meant a burden. While The Delhites know that Dusshera is because the dude Ram got the freak Ravana, the more coy Hyderabadis still think that around this time the lady with the trident saw off Mahishasura. They call it Dasara. Delhites continue their revelry unabated until the next new moon.. finally when the dude returned to Ayodhya with his family. Down in the south, we have a different story for this also. This time the other blue cousin of Ram - Lord krishna seems to have vanquished Narakasura. It's not that we Gults of GGL do not believe in Lord Ram, but we beg to differ a bit with the northis when it comes to history. Now you ask what is the burden? History, my dear reader! While I had to remember these two versions of the festivals, you might have done exceedingly well with only one of them. Different though the reasons may be, fortunately the festivals still remain around the same days!

The burden just did not end there. You think this blog is all about Gult bashing? Naah... wait till you get the other angle. When it came to speaking skills we always had an extra language that we knew compared to the purists from North or from south. Helps you pass on secrets to a fellow Gult in presence of gult-illiterate folks. While our textbooks taught us about Wordsworth, Shakespeare, Premchand, Harivansh Rai Bachchan, we also knew about Kavitrayam. Our text books taught us about Gandhi, Nehru, Bose and others. My parents also told me about Alluri Sita Rama Raju and the Potti guy - take that! The regular trips to south did give us the long train journeys that I just loved as a kid. Hopping from bogie to bogie, to the pantry and back - and this was a regular fare for close to 20 years in my life!

Having proved that we did have a bit of a start when it comes to history and linguistic skills, culinary skills were not to be left behind. Having grown up in the north, the heavy duty chana, butter and paneer dishes obviously made a place for themselves. Belch! But the Gult pickles are not to be forgotton. You wouldn't believe the number of neighbours who queued up outside our home to learn these skills. Had my Mom given heed to my frantic efforts to commercialize this oppurtunity, I would be in a better state of life today - spending the millions that it would have amassed. Sigh! Moms never listen, I say!

My mom is the usual mom - doting on her kids, hiding our mischiefs from our dad, churning out the most amazing dishes, making sure we did our homeworks in time and taking pains to see that we were dressed appropriately at all the times. But we did behave like the devils that we were - always! Over dressed for sleep and under-dressed for the chilly winter days. Soiled and messed up just in time to receive guests. Kudos mom for all your efforts. But sadly we turned out differently. We understand why you hush up when gossip-mongering aunties tell stories about us – blatant lies, I tell you. Err… well some of the stories at least... no amma?

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Wednesday, October 03, 2007

In Search of Gult Origins - Step One

A few days back a friend of mine from yester-years asked me to give him info on the gult land. Our eyebrows creased at this request and suspicious thoughts trickled in. But I will let that pass.

For those of you who do not know me, I am supposed to belong to the land which has seen it's share of demigods/goddesses like Chiranjeevi, NTR, ANR, Sridevi, Waheeda Rahman and the likes. That's it, you ask? Well the list is so big that it warrants a new post by itself - I shall oblige someday in the near future. Still don't have a clue? Use google search dude! So having established my suspect origins, I shall take you along on a wonderful tour of... well, let's say a nomadic trail.

Long long time ago and to this day live a queen and a king a.k.a mom and dad. They were childless and performed many poojas and ate copious amounts of porridge. One fine morning, many many summers ago, I popped into this world in the great Gult land, or as they say was dropped by a stork through a chimney - thud! ( or was it out of an assembly kit from Sears? ) - My Dad refuses to divulge the truth, sigh! I shall dwell on that uncertain part of my life some time in the future. But first things first.

So having made a certain welcome entry into the world [at least that is what I am made to believe], my uncle did not hesistate a tenth of a second to nickname me "basta mooti" [mouth of a sack] and I cried out loud after that and made sure my parents had a lot of sleepless nights in the years to come [he he.. some revenge I got!] and no one dared to call me that again.

Before I could understand my surroundings and the people around me, I was ruthlessly carried away in to a state hitherto unknown to me. They called it Rajasthan - the princely royal state. I expected to be pampered there and pampered I was. Son halwa, Ghevar, dal-bhati-churma just to name a few of the dishes lavishly smothered with ghee (clarified butter - for you ABCDs!) were pushed down my throat. But as I was still comprehending the nuances of these dishes, I was again lugged and this time to the city of marble rocks - Jabalpur.

I put my earliest footsteps there and felt a sense of self-admiration. Little did I to know that this would become a reason for debauchery for adults then or that the same skill of mine would one day force me to get up from my bean bag for all petty reasons. So while the others feasted and used me as a soft toy, I bid my time waiting for the moment to exact a well-deserved compensation. Long before I could complete my plan to build myself a luxurious marble villa with the marbles of Jabalpur, I was whisked away, yet again, to Rajasthan. "Official duties", my dad quipped.

The optimist that I was, I built everything from scratch. My taste habits, my liking to surroundings, the keenness to play with sand instead of marble and so on. What an excersise that was and I still have trouble putting on weight till this day.

About time now that you should ask - What's the point of the whole story and the gult land reference? Did we ever tell you that there was one? Run along. Go on. I mean read on!

After a few more summers, I was ready to take on the guardians of education. The first day in school, ahem ahem. I got to eat a lot of toffees and chocolates after parting with few bucketsful of tears. The whole week was the same. It took a week for my teacher to understand my liking for chocolates. Academically we were never bad so often got away with a few instances of unruly behavior in all the 12 years at the same school - kindergarten through 10th. Umpteen instances of various punishments including facing the wall, standing on the bench, getting hit on the palms and the rear with wooden rulers couldn't dent our will to succeed. After all school is the place that equips you with the skills of a normal healthy living - fights (for rights), disrespect for rules (forgot MK Gandhi - non-coperation movement?) and last but not the least - swear words. Swear words - our vocabulary never suffered at least in hindi and english. This is the first instance where our mother tongue played second fiddle to our national language [and still does!]. The major part of our cinema knowledge so far was limited to Bollywood and Hollywood. Gult movies were there but they were too few and far in between. But I do remember some from my childhood memories some for the music, some for action and others for their comedy - Aatma Balam, Goonda, Kshana Kshanam, Aha Na Pellanta, Padaharella Vayasu to name a few. So you see we are not ignorant! But swear-words is a totally different story altogether.

What a gult and do not know proper gulti swear words! Was that your question? Sit down, I say. What would a true gult's swear-word oratory skills in Rajasthani or Haryanavi be? Gotcha!

The years progressed as I grew up. Trips to Jaipur, Ajmer, Delhi, BITS taught us more. Fifteen years of stay at one place had it's toll. I needed to acquire new skills. So yours truly moved on to a neighbouring state in the south. Baroda did treat us well. All the fun in hostel, the movies, the dandiya, the aamras, the people.. oh the list goes on and yeah the studies sometimes in between. We did well not to disappoint the parents. We passed and colors did fly!

All these seventeen years were spent now getting ready for the most eventful part of the journey - the college!

This warrants a sequel.. so keep coming back and you shall see it soon.

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Saturday, September 29, 2007

On the marks, getset, sail!

I sit to write .. but the damn idiot box interferes with the right side of my brain. So what happens is that I remain sitting on my bean bag - laptop on my lap, TV in front and remote in my hand.

Then someone suggested that I take a paper-pen and sit under the streetlight. I might get some inspiration. Well I tried (not to disappoint that person) but the Gods had different plans. It rained. I made a boat of the paper and let it sail in the puddle of water.

Now what's the point of writing this then? Patience my dear friend... rain-puddle-boat aha. These stir some fond memories from childhood.

I lived in water starved deserts of India, actually rains aren't that rare in Rajasthan as you might have been wrongly led to believe by that lame kindergarten textbook of yours... tsk tsk. Ab to bade ban jao!

Monsoons were fun when I was young. A brief spell of heavy showers and our little town would swiftly be converted into Venice. And as the rain Gods would have it, the dirty brown water would be ready for us right when the school closed for the day at lunch time.

So what did we bunch of Einsteins do? Take out our notebooks (which starved for some homework) and pull out copious sheets of paper. Our nimble fingers worked feverishly and bingo there used to be a number of boats - all ready to set sail and race home.

Now you would wonder how they got steered? Yours truly along with the other hobbyists would take upon themselves the task to provide the oar-work and steering to the boats - all the time waddling in knee deep brown water. Did you say eeew?

Yes? You did miss fun... you poor kid .. were you put into rat race of life by perfectionist parents and wicked teachers? Sorry, I digress - but I think I made my point!

So yes, nice pencils became oars and water our race track. With a 10 kg bag on our backs and pencils in our hands, we oared our boats towards the finish line - which was probably a KM away from school.

Mind you, it was not that we could not find dry streets. But what is the fun there? Can boats go without water? So you see the point! And thanks for nodding.

So what happened after that? What would happen? Parents as they always are - cribbing, shouting and grounding us for filling life with a little more fun. All we did was come home in an hour instead of 10 min! And what excuse would they give - wet socks, shoes and waddling through leech infested water!

Parents, I say, never understand.

So as I finish this piece, my little boat makes its last attempt to stay afloat before succumbing to the downpour.. sigh!

But I won't disappoint you - I took a shot before I set it on it's maiden and last sail!



Yes it's been long.. and I will try to be more frequent.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Circular No.mm/2008-TV-Mov.I - Only saris and Dhotis!

The I&B ministry has come out with the diktat to ban smoking in movies and on the silver screen. Rajnikanth fans ought to consider themselves lucky - it's anyone's guess why!

With already a blanket ban on alcohol ads on TV and media it might not be too pretentious to forsee the following list of do's and don'ts from I&B.


Circular No.mm/2008-TV-Mov.I, Government of India.
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To keep up with the spirit of freedom of speech and expression as guaranteed by the constitution of the largest democracy in the world, the government of India encourages Indian movies to venture out to international film festivals and vie for an Oscar.

- Women should wear only saris/salwar-kameez
Rationale: We can not have our culture polluted with skin flaunting rags

- Men should wear only dhotis or kurta-pyjama
Rationale: We can not be discriminatory - need to be politically correct gender wise

- Only water as a drink will be allowed on the screen
Corollary: coconut water, nimbu-pani, ganne-ka-ras (sugarcane juice), karela juice will be allowed as health boosting virtues. Alcohol is not.

- In action sequences, chases will allowed only in electric powered vehicles - to keep in check the rising oil prices.
Corollary: Vehicle chases will be eventually phased out to create public awareness about energy consumption

- No anti-govt. scenes and displays
Rationale: To prevent reservation like protests following from Rang De Basanti
Corollary 1: Every movie should have a politician hero or side-hero role - representation for the law making category.
Corollary 2: No politician role as a villain shall be allowed as it is a gross misrepresentation of all the facts and logic.

- Last but not the least. This list will be evaluated and more things added in each session of the parliament henceforth

Addendum:
A PIL against the above is pending in the Supreme Court with the next hearing date after 10 years. The supreme court has denied a stay on the order till the next hearing. Because the subject is adjudicate, there can be no protests in this regard.

By order
xxxx
Ministry of I & B
Government of India
Executive order nnnnnn
Circular No.mm/2008-TV-Mov.I

Friday, May 26, 2006

"Spring"ing back - Yellow mood



Yellow Mood