The wonders of childhood are a all-know realm while parenthood is only-some-know realm. Thumbing through a good humor collection at the local community library, I came across this wonderful book "Mother Murphy's law" by Bruce Lansky. As far as this blog goes, it is not original. I am posting a few excerpts of this book - nothing like sharing a few laughs [I made sure I am not violating any copyrights]. Please consider this as a review and read the book.
Nomenclature nonsenseWhy do they call mothers who work "working mothers"? They don't call fathers who are working "working fathers"!
Dissatisfaction doctrine1. Babies can never be held enough.
2. Children can never get enough attention.
3. Teenagers can never get enough space.
4. Parents can never get enough time for themselves.
The curious convolution1. At 3, he asks "why"?
2. At 7,he asks "why not"?
3. At 12, he asks "are you kidding"?
4. At 13, he says "cut the crap".
5. After that, it is all downhill.
The Aural ambiguityAll new born babies sound alike. But yours is louder.
Excerpt's from baby owner's manual1. Babies leak. From both ends.
2. Babies do not meet the latest EPA emission control standards.
3. Babies do not meet the latest EPA noise control standards, either.
4. babies cost more that $200,000 to feed, clothe and educate.
5. Babies come with no guarantees.
6. Babies have no trade-in value.
The junk food GourmetYour baby will probably not get sick from eating:
1. Half an ice cream cone he found in the park.
2. Half a hot dog bun hr found at the zoo.
3. A cigarette butt he found in the gutter.
4. A dead bug he found on your dining room floor.
5. A used piece of chewing gum he found under a restaurant table.
If you watch him eat those yummies, you will get sick.Baby's first wordYour baby's first word is that four letter word you usually mutter when you discover the diapers need changing, again.
The quiet conspiracy1. The quieter it is in the bathroom, the more likely it is that your toddler is pouring the goldfish into the toilet bowl.
2. The quieter it is in the living room, the more likely it is that your toddler is finger-painting the wall.
3. The quieter it is in the bedroom, the more likely it is that the toddler is pouring finger paints into the gold fish bowl and using the gold fish to paint the wall.
The toilet trap1. Before you go shopping, they won't go to the bathroom.
2. As soon as you arrive to the store, they are dying to go to the bathroom.
3. Unfortunately, there is no toilet they can use in the store.
4. When you finally find the toilet they can use, it is too late.
Keep reading for part deux [maybe].